


It's Called a Sacrifice, Idiot

by IndigoFudge



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Hurt/Comfort, Impaled, Love Confession, M/M, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23948713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoFudge/pseuds/IndigoFudge
Summary: After seeing Eddie's death in the Deadlights, Richie pushes Eddie out of the way before Pennywise can get him.OrWhat if Richie had gotten stabbed by Pennywise instead?
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 18
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW!!! Internalized homophobia, drug mention, and s**cide mention

“Hey, Richie, listen- I think I killed it! I did! I think I-” Before Eddie can finish his sentence, Richie suddenly shoves him away and off to the side. “What the fuck-“

Eddie is cut off by a horrible noise, a noise that sounds like human flesh being torn, and it's coming from right near him. From Richie. _Nonononono._

He almost doesn’t dare to look. But he turns his head, and immediately screams.

Richie is pinned to the ground by one of Pennywise’s grotesque claws.

“Richie!” Eddie can barely speak.

“E-Eds...” Richie chokes, blood pouring from his lips. “Eddie..”

Eyes wide, Eddie shakes his head. “No, no, this isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. Richie- _Richie-_ hey-“

Pennywise scoops Richie up and pulls him away, waving him around in the air like a sick puppet show. “Ohhh!” Pennywise mocks, and then he hurls Richie down a smaller part of the cave.

Eddie squeezes his eyes shut. _This isn’t real,_ he thinks. But it’s very real, and he gets the cold feeling in his chest that _Richie is going to die for real, for_ real _,_ and that’s the most terrifying thing Eddie can imagine. Why does he feel that way about Richie, but not about the other Losers? It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is getting down into the lower part of the cave. He scrambles up and runs as fast as he can into the smaller cavern. A split second of a memory comes to him - running in track when he was in high school - but he pushes it away.

Pennywise has almost managed to wrench himself off of the structure he’s impaled on, and Eddie runs faster. He feels sick just thinking of Richie lying on the ground in pain.

There’s a squelching sound, and Eddie throws a quick glance over at Pennywise. He’s free now, and spots Eddie immediately. “You have a secret too, dontcha, Eds?”

Eddie ignores the fear that that sentence planted in him, instead finally reaching the smaller cavern and running down to where Richie is curled up on the ground. “Richie! Richie, I’m here, okay?” He helps Richie sit up against the wall and gets his first good look at the wound. “Oh, shit,” he says without thinking.

“It’s bad, huh?” Richie is grimacing. Blood stains his lips and chin.

“No, Rich, it’s fine, you're _fine._ I’m going to help you. I'm good at this shit, remember?” Eddie takes off his own jacket and holds it to the wound. _Jesus fuck, Richie’s so pale,_ Eddie thinks. _He’s lost a lot of blood and one of his lungs is probably punctured_. _The only thing I can do is try to comfort him and distract him from the pain._ “Hey, look at me, okay? Yeah. You’re going to be fine.” On a whim, Eddie reaches out and grabs Richie’s hand, sandwiching it in between his own.

Richie swallows. “It was you. In the Deadlights.” His breaths are strained, whistling slightly.

“What do you mean, Richie?” Tears fill Eddie’s eyes; he doesn’t bother wiping them away. Instead he just gives Richie's hand a squeeze.

“I mean... it was the other way around. ‘S why I pushed you out of the way up there. In the Deadlights, I saw... I saw It get you instead.” A shadow passes over Richie’s expression. “You... you died.”

Eddie sits against the wall next to Richie. “So you saw that and- oh fuck, Richie. You saved me this time?”

Richie nods, expression twisted in pain and sorrow.

Eddie gets that feeling again, the weird feeling that he’d be a different kind of upset if Richie died than if anyone else did, but he can’t identify the emotion. “Why?”

“‘Cause...” Richie looks down. “Eds, I really don’t want to say this, but I don’t really have anything to lose now, right?” He gives a half-assed smile. “I’ve loved you since we were kids. That’s why. And of course I would have done the same for Ben, or Mike, or any of the Losers, but it’s different with you.”

Eddie goes as pale as Richie. _Love_... oh, shit. Could that possibly be the explanation for why he’d feel the worst if Richie died? No, there’s no way. Right?

Richie’s smile falls. “I know you don’t feel the same way, and s'okay. It’s nice to get it off my chest. Easier than I thought it would be.”

“Mm.” That’s all Eddie can manage. ' _Gay people are sick.'_ That’s what Sonia Kaspbrak had always told him. _'Gay people are sick, and you don’t need to be even more sick than you already are, Eddie,_ ' she’d say. But it’s 2016. He knows now that it’s okay. He knows now that she lied to him. He knows now that his feelings for Richie aren’t bad.

What feelings?

And Eddie finds that he can say it out loud now. “Love.”

“What?” Richie looks confused.

 _Rightfully_ , Eddie thinks. _He’s right to be confused because I didn’t actually say the whole thing._ So Eddie does: “I love you too, Richie.”

The joy in Richie’s expression makes Eddie’s heart explode. “Really? You do?”

“Yes, really, Rich. Ever since we were kids.” He hugs Richie on impulse, unsure if it’s the right thing to do, but then Richie melts into his embrace. “I love you so fucking much.” He slowly breaks the hug, settling instead for a cuddle. “In fact... y’know... I wish it were me.”

“Please don’t tell me that means what I think it means, Eds.”

Eddie sighs. “I should be the one hurt like this. What you saw in the Deadlights... you should have let it happen. You don’t deserve this.” He brushes some dust off of Richie’s face and his hand lingers.

Richie carefully lies a hand over Eddie’s, holding it to his face. “Eds... you shouldn't be the one dying. You have shit to get back to, a job and a wife and probably some stupid fuckin' Hallmark apartment in NYC. I don't. My career's gone to shit, I'm losing money.... it's just. It's hard. My manager probably thinks I'm on drugs again. I'm _this close_ to getting fired. No one in my life would care if I didn't come back from this trip.”

"I-" Eddie starts, suppressing a sob. " _Richie,_ you stupid asshole. You think I'm happy? With my job, with Myra? I'm _not._ When I take the subway..." He presses down harder on the sweatshirt. "Some days I just- I wonder, how easy would it be to just jump onto the fucking tracks and get electrocuted by the third rail?"

"I know this isn't tasteful right now because you're suicidal and I'm dying, and I really empathize with and care about you," mumbles Richie, "but you can get electrocuted by _my_ third rail anytime."

Eddie half-laughs, half-sobs. He presses his face to Richie's shoulder, inhaling his scent - underneath graywater and dirt, he smells like champagne and cheap soap. Eddie tries to memorize the lazy lilt of Richie's voice, the dryness of it. "You're not dying," he lies. "We're gonna get you out of here."

“‘We...' where is the ‘we?’ Where's everyone else?” Richie cranes his neck to look at the mouth of the smaller cavern. Eddie follows his gaze, and his heart sinks when he sees that Pennywise has pushed boulders up against the entrance.

“Fighting It, I assume,” Eddie says.

Richie manages another smile. “Well... looks like the responsibility of keeping me company while I’m dying falls to you, Eds.”

Eddie shakes his head. “What did I fucking _just_ say, dipshit? You're _not_ dying. I won't let it happen. I'll...” He trails off when Richie falls into a coughing fit.

When the fit is over, Richie goes quiet and says “Look.” There’s blood on his hand and on the inside of his elbow, and fresh blood coats his lips as well. “Eds, you know as well as I do that I’m not getting out of this alive.” His voice breaks near the end. 

Eddie really starts crying now, resting his head on Richie’s shoulder. “Then I’m staying right here, with you, and I’m not letting go until... until it’s over, okay?” 

_Over._ It won't be _over_ for everyone else; they'll still kill Pennywise and they'll all win. But oh, it will be _over_ for Eddie. He doesn't think he'll kill himself. He'll probably divorce Myra or some shit and then get a cat and name it Richie. He'll quit his job and maybe become a doctor - _'Please tell me you ended up becoming a doctor, Eds'_ \- and it will still be _over_ because he missed his chance. So many times he could have admitted it - when they were kids, lying in the hammock in the clubhouse, reading magazines and giggling at each other's jokes; when Richie left for college, making promises that never ended up coming to pass; when Richie rang the gong at Jade of the Orient and Eddie saw him for the first time in 27 years and _everything_ , every fucking thing, came rushing back, came crashing over Eddie, and he remembered how Richie made him feel special and loved, and he could have said it then, but instead he pushed it all down and said 'Ha, look at these guys,' even though what he really meant was _look at Richie._

“Thanks, Eds.” Richie’s voice is little more than a whisper now. “I need you to do something for me. I need you... I need you to get out of here, for me, okay? And I need you to tell everyone else I’m sorry, and that I tried.” He winces, slumping a bit.

Eddie gently eases Richie's upper body down into his lap. Richie is heavy and blood soaks his shirt; Eddie cradles him anyway.

"I will, Richie." He can almost imagine that none of this happened, that they're kids again in the hammock, leaning against each other and neither one noticing how much the other one was blushing. One hand moves to Richie's hair and combs through it.

Richie’s breaths are slowing down. “If there’s an afterlife... I’ll see Stan again. We’ll both haunt the shit out of you.”

 _I'd like that,_ Eddie thinks distantly. “Oh, you and Stan definitely won’t be in the same afterlife,” he says. “He’s too good for that.” _Maybe if I make jokes, everything will turn out okay. Richie will sit up and the wound will be gone and we'll kill It and everyone will live happily ever after, even Stan._

Richie laughs, softly. “There’s my Eds.” He’s quiet for a second, and then sharply inhales. “ _Oh_ , I think... this is it, Eddie my love. Thanks for staying with me ‘til the end. I love you.”

Eddie has just enough time to say “I love you too, Richie,” before Richie’s just... gone.

His eyes are open, staring up at the ceiling of the cave. His lips are slightly parted, still dark red with blood. He does not look like he's sleeping, he looks like he's dead. And he is. 

Eddie closes Richie's eyes and gives him a kiss on the temple. _It shouldn't have happened this way,_ he thinks. _We should have kissed as kids._

A memory. They _did_ kiss as kids. They had been alone in the clubhouse, the hammock, staring into each other's eyes. Richie made the move first. He had leaned forward and kissed Eddie lightly on the cheek. And Eddie... Eddie had recoiled. A warm feeling had spread throughout him as he'd realized that he didn't hate the kiss. In fact, it was almost as if he _liked_ it... as if he wanted to kiss Richie back. But then he heard his mother in his head. Oh, what would she say if she knew Eddie had been kissing boys? He'd be grounded for the rest of his life. Kissing boys was _bad_ and _wrong_ and _dangerous_. And wasn't she always right? Yes, she knew what was best for him. So instead of kissing Richie back, Eddie had said 'Ew, Rich! What was that for?' And Richie had blushed like crazy. 'Uhh, it was for your mom.' 

Typical Richie - brushing off affection with a joke about Eddie's mom. 

Eddie sighs, now. The cave is shaking and rocks are falling everywhere. _It must have won,_ he thinks. _It killed them all and now It's going to kill me._

_It should have been me anyways. Richie sacrificed himself to save me._

_I know I told Richie I'd get out of here, but I can't. The place is falling apart. I'm trapped._

He makes no move to get up, just leans his head against Richie and closes his eyes. 

_I'm sorry, everyone._

_I'm sorry, Richie._

_I'm sorry._

* * *

In the main cavern, Pennywise lies dead and four Losers embrace. 


	2. Epilogue

In the main cavern, Pennywise lies dead and four Losers embrace.

They all make their way to the boulders pushed up against the mouth of the smaller cave. 

"Eddie!" Bill calls. "The whole p-place is coming down! We're going to get you out of there!" But he can barely hear himself over the rumbling of rocks and debris.

"Look," says Bev, with wonder. "The boulders... they're disappearing."

Turning to look, the others realize she's right - _Constructs_ , Mike thinks. _Of course. They were just constructs -_ and climb through the dusty opening, running down to where they see two people slumped against the wall.

"EDDIE!" Bill yells again, face as white as a sheet. "C-come on, man, let's go!" 

"...Bill?" Eddie blinks sluggishly. Blood gushes from a wound on his head. "Am I dead?"

Bill's crying now. "N-no, buddy, we're all g-g-gonna get you out of here, okay?" He helps Eddie stand up. 

"Richie too," mumbles Eddie. "Take Richie too."

"Oh, Richie," Bev breathes, falling to her knees. She checks his neck for a pulse. Her heart flickers with hope when she thinks she feels a beat against her fingers, but then it's gone. She gets back up, tears in her eyes. 

Ben sighs. "We don't have time. We have to go, _now._ "

Eddie's face falls. He reaches down and puts one hand on Richie's shoulder. "Richie, wake up. Please, open your eyes!"

The Losers trade a glance. Bev is the one to say it: "Eds, he's not going to wake up." As if in confirmation, the ground heaves, sending Eddie to the ground.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, 'm so sorry." Eddie crawls over to Richie and hugs him, shoulders shaking. Through his muddled thoughts, the strongest one is _Richie is dead_ , and it makes his whole body ache with sadness. "'S my fault, Rich."

"Eddie, stand up. I'll carry him out of here," Ben says, fighting back his own tears. _What if it were Bev? If it were Bev, I would rather die with her than not carry her out._ "Come on."

Mike holds out his hand, and Eddie grabs it, only wavering slightly on his feet, and Ben gently picks up Richie's body.

Then the Losers promptly get the fuck out of there. 

But then they reach the first well on the way out.

"Eddie..." Bill says. "Eddie, I really d-don't think we can take Richie out. There's this w-well, and the s-second one, which would be even harder, and... he's too heavy. W-we're going to have to leave him here."

"Are you fucking serious?" Eddie slurs. Even in his concussed state, he is in opposition. Cutting through the fog in his head is the memory that he loves Richie, fiercely. "We've gotta take him out."

Ben and Bev trade a glance. "Eddie, we can't. He'll slow us down." Bev puts a hand on Eddie's back. "I'm sorry." Tears run down her cheeks.

" _NO!"_ Eddie says, with as much energy as he can muster. "We take him out. He doesn't deserve this. It's gross... and dirty... we're not fucking leaving him in the _sewers._ " He stumbles, falling into Ben, who in turn holds Richie tighter to keep from dropping him.

Richie coughs.

"See?" Eddie gestures wildly. "He _coughed._ It's so gross down here and he's already getting sick." 

Bev gasps. "Eddie, Richie's alive?!"

"So it would seem." Eddie's still confused, and although his thoughts are all mixed up, he knows this is good. It's good that Richie is alive. He just... he can't find the words to express that, so he just says "Alive" and nods curtly.

"Richie," Bill says, bursting into tears. "Oh God. R-Richie." He brushes strands of Richie's hair out of his eyes and gives his hand a quick squeeze, trying to give him any bit of comfort that he can. "You're okay, buddy, we're g-getting you out of here."

Richie weakly clears his throat. A trickle of blood comes from the corner of his mouth. "Hey, Big Bill. Why... why the fuck am I..."

"I don't know. But J-Jesus, I'm- I'm so- _fuck_."

So begins the scramble to get up the first well. Ben and Bev work together, carrying Richie in between them. Eddie follows - mostly with help from Mike. Bill brings up the rear. 

"Who's carrying me?" Richie whispers. 

"Me. Ben. And Bev," says Ben. He hoists Richie out of the first well and puts pressure on the wound as they wait for the others. "We're all here. So's Eddie."

Bev delicately cradles Richie's head in her lap, stroking the side of his face. "You'll be alright. Just hold on, okay?" _Blood. So much blood._

"You know, I always thought it would be my massive dick that killed me. Not being impaled by an alien clown," Richie says, and then immediately passes out. Both of the lenses on his glasses are cracked to shit.

As they all wade through the graywater, Ben lifts Richie up over his head - at Eddie's insistence. 

"Dirty is not good," Eddie says, crossing his arms. "The whole fucking place is dirty." 

It's a little more difficult getting Richie up the second well. After about 10 seconds of thinking, Mike suggests tying the rope under Richie's shoulders and having someone pull him up. It takes more time than that to just tie the rope, and all the while, Neibolt is coming down. 

But they make it - as if someone is looking out for them. _A turtle, perhaps,_ thinks Bev, but she doesn't know why that crosses her mind. And as soon as they're out of reach of the destruction, they all fall to the ground.

Ben calls the hospital while Mike and Bev put pressure on Richie's wound. At their touch, he coughs again, blood spraying from his mouth, but doesn't come to. His breaths come in wheezes.

"He'll be okay, right?" Bev asks Mike, quietly.

"Yeah. He has to be." Mike smooths Richie's hair back from his forehead, and says "Hear that, Trashmouth? You're gonna be just fine."

Several feet away, Bill sits next to Eddie and asks him questions to keep him conscious.

"What town are we in?"

"Derry."

"What s-state do you live in?"

"New York," Eddie says, making a face. "Too gray."

"What's your name?"

"Eddie Kaspbrak." Eddie falters on the last name. His head hurts and he just wants to go home with Richie.

"Who do you love?"

This question is much easier to answer than the others. "Richie."

Bill looks worried. "You don't r-remember your w-wife's name?"

"No, I do - Myra. But I don't love her," Eddie says matter-of-factly. 

"And you _do_ l-love.... Richie?" 

"Uh-huh."

"I knew it!" Bill's grinning now. "M-Mikey, you owe me $20."

"That's not very polite," Eddie mutters, and then immediately falls unconscious.

Bill pats him on the back.

Suddenly, a shout comes from over where Bev and Mike and Richie are, making Bill jump.

"Oh my God! Bill, Ben - come see this!" Bev calls.

They crouch next to Richie, and Bill's heart skips a beat - the wound is completely gone. The only thing that remains is a raised white scar.

Richie sits up, opening his eyes and sucking in a deep breath. "Holy _shit_ ," he says. "Well, that was a fucking trip." A cloudy look passes over his face and he murmurs "Where's Eddie?"

As soon as Richie sits down next to Eddie and whispers his name, Eddie's eyes snap open. "Richie?" 

"Yeah, Eds. I'm awake, and look, I'm fine." Richie swallows the lump in his throat, bringing a gentle hand to Eddie's cheek and swiping with his thumb. "Are you okay? You got a pretty nasty bump on your head, there."

"I'm fine," says Eddie. "Well, actually I probably have a concussion. But you're here, so yeah, I'm okay."

"A concussion? That doesn't sound good. Gotta keep that Spaghetti Head healthy." But then Richie can't help it anymore and he starts really crying, squeezing Eddie in a hug. "Shit, Eddie, I almost - we almost-" A shuddering sob escapes him. "We're okay. We're okay."

They don't break the hug until the ambulance arrives.


End file.
